A(n) (ab)normal Tuesday

Date: 11 / 11/ 2025
Place: Fartplace, Poop Town
Time: 6 : 07 PM

Dear Diary,

Man, I just love Tuesdays. That's especially because Tuesdays are the days where dogs start exploding! I absolutely hate dogs.

Once, when I was a little boy, a little woof woof guy came up to me and tried to bite me! Gosh, what a traumatic experience. It then proceeded to get beaten to death by a local drunk donkey.

Anyways, I think this Tuesday was quite uneventful. I only saw three people spontaneously combust this evening, rather than the average eight. Nowadays, I've seen so many people explode that I think there might just be something weird going on here! 

I probably shouldn't put much thought into it. After all, it's just a normal Tuesday.

But gee, it does make you wonder; is it really normal for donkeys to get drunk? Or people to spontaneously combust? 

Nah probably not.

Anyways, my dear diary, I come to you once again in need of advice! You see, I don't want to explode. I don't want to spontaneously combust. And no I don't want to get physically assaulted by an intoxicated mammal.

So, I've advised a clear solution.

Gunpower! You see, something weird seems to happen when I ignite gunpowder in a barrel with a conveniently placed metal pellet in the general area. The powder appears to burn super-duper-fast and then all of a sudden it farts! Yippee!!

And from what I've seen, after the gunpowder secretes some fart, the houseflies in the general area seem to just — take a nappy. They must love the fart considering all of them drop to the ground and take naps the moment they take a little whiff.

Or maybe it's just the diethyl-meta-toluamide in the general area. I dunno, it could be both.